http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/etc/1729852721.html 

 

Hiring Event: Mascot

Date: 2010-05-07, 6:50PM

HIRING EVENT:
Costume Character /
Mascot and Handler
Empire State Building
The Empire State Building Observatory is seeking an individual to fill the position of our Mascot (King Kong). The position is up to 40 hrs/wk. The following criteria for this position is as follows.

• Experience dealing with large volumes of guests.
• Strong communication skills.
• Ability to convey emotions.
• Ability to move around in a 30 lb costume in intervals of 30 minutes at a time.
• Ability to maintain a high level of enthusiasm during entire shift.
• Must be fully available to work days, nights, weekends & holidays.
• Reliable and Punctual.

This very important role as King Kong is vital to the guest experience at the Empire State Building. The costume weighs 30lbs and is fully enclosed. You must be between 5’10” and 6’2” in height.

Hiring Event Schedule:
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
10:00a.m. to 4:00p.m.
Room 630

Mention “ESB Hiring Event” when at visitor desk.
Bring valid state issued ID

*******

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am thrilled to put in my application for the Mascot position at the Empire State Building. I am certain that no other applicant could bring my enthusiasm and vérité to this job, and I'm excited to become the next member of your team.

Since relocating from Central Africa as an adolescent, I have been employed with the Wildlife Conservation Society in the Bronx, as a live-in animal physiology and bio-ethics educator. In this position, my main responsibility has been creating a realistic simulacrum of life and environmental conditions in my home country for the educational benefit of tourists and school children. You might compare my role to that of the historical reënactors of Colonial Williamsburg, but with a focus on the equatorial rain forest, rather than revolutionary America. I am also often tasked to assist our on-site medical and biological research teams with their inquiries, and have always excelled in both of these essential functions. I have a particular zest for performing for children, and young visitors to our facility have often ranked my exhibits and demonstrations as among their favorites. While I find my current situation satisfying in many ways, I have often thought of branching out with a new organization, particularly one that would allow me to move house, preferably to Manhattan, or one of the more bohemian neighborhoods of Brooklyn. The 24-hour on-call nature of my current job leaves me little time to explore the world-renowned arts and cultural scene here in New York, and I would love the opportunity to do so.

I am within the height requirements for your costume, as described in your advertisement, but I'm forced to confess that my over-all physical dimensions may exceed its capacity. My natural appearance may, however, negate the necessity for such attire, and I hope this small point will not preclude me from receiving an interview. Another small challenge is that my current schedule allows me no opportunity to attend your hiring event, or, indeed, to travel to your offices at all. Should this letter perk your interest, however, you are more than welcome to visit me at my current place of business, at the address below, It is easily accessible from midtown via the #2 or #5 subways or the BxM11 express bus. I know this is rather an unusual request for an applicant to make, but I am certain that a face-to-face interview would allow me to demonstrate to you my unique qualifications in short order.

My resume is attached, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours Sincerely,

Jo-Jo

Wildlife Conservation Society

2300 Southern Boulevard

Bronx, NY 10460

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lab/1735391780.html 

 

"Position Open

Date: 2010-05-11, 12:29PM
Wennerberg Company are interested in hard working people to work in there company.We specialize in Import/Export of good commodities. We are in search for people to work under our company and help you stabilize the part we are lacking in our business.You experience in receiving and shipping out goods are needed here.We don't need your Minimum or Maximum years you have been working in another company.This position is meant for everybody but its a part/full term position
You can email us here awennerberginc@gmail.com"


******

Much greetings for to you, Mr./s. Awennerberinc,

I am interested in hard working in your company with good commodities importing/exporting, also. Surely I will stabilize well the lacking parts and with your business friendship help from you receive much good things and excitement of growth finance! Many are the expressions of my time in work, which all have noticed and spoken loudly within the halls and chambers of my business-places. Solidly do I make the stabilizers of business-jobs! Loudly have they spoken them, yes, those that saw and understood! Maximum were those years, Minimum, never, though you don't need them, only the new stabilization of the lacking parts which I have promised. Only experience of the shipping, which in the Maximum years I often made excitement. Receiving much from the world of the outside and placing, carefully, carefully.  Part/Full term is among the times I will come to make this job, and do it.

My resume is attached.

Best,

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/sec/1725015821.html

"Hiring Security for Escort Business: I need a young man for security work as well as other duties for my new business. You must be smart, well spoken, strong and fit, professional, able to defend someone if required. You will be working with young ladies so be polite, kind, respectful, but strong and confident. You should be well dressed and well groomed. No thugs, gangsters, of wise guys need apply. Only serious, young, preferably college men will be considered.
Benefits will be very good and pay will be excellent.
Email all information and photo"

*******

Warmest felicitations, My Good Lady,

And my most sincere congratulations upon the commencement of your most worthy venture! Though I am considered by all in my circle of acquaintance to be a serious-minded young gentleman of noble habit and good family, and I have been received this season in all the finer homes,  I am forced to make the embarrassing confession that I find myself without situation. 

I would be most inclined to use my natural propensity for chivalrous behaviour to escort young ladies of refinement in the completion of their daily tasks, keeping them from undo contact with the rougher elements of the under-classes.

I am recently graduated from King's College, Oxford, where I took a first in Classics. Throughout my studies, I have endeavoured to maintain a certain level of physical fitness - rowing two-man skulls, and achieving certain notoriety on the rugby pitch. As per your request, I have enclosed a photograph of our '04 side, in which I may be found kneeling in the second row, third from your left.

Might I presume to call upon you at your first convenience, and have the pleasure of presenting my credentials in person? I may be reached by return post at the Hotel Des Armes, Chiswick, or at my club, the Barrington's. 

Yours, Etc.,

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mar/1715567123.html

"Professional with Successful Track-record Wanted: We are looking to speak to you if you’re seeking to earn a realistic six-figure income. Winners only need apply. A newly established company associated with a high-profile, billion dollar plus, global brand is seeking a self-starter who is entrepreneurial and coachable wanting to make money in Internet Marketing.
You must:

• Be able to work independently and as part of a team
• Be an effective and motivated communicator
• Enjoy working from home
• Have a strong work ethic (full-time or part-time)
• Have a strong interest in Social Media and Internet Marketing (a must!)

You will have daily access and support from successful six and seven figure earners. You will be provided with the coaching, support, materials, direction and a proven system that enables immediate income.

You will never have to: 

• Recruit friends and family
• Develop warm markets
• Buy additional training materials, tapes or books
• Sponsor hotel meetings
• Inventory any products

No Gimmicks; No Commute; No Experience Required

Want to earn what you have dreamed of earning…for an interview respond to this ad with your Full Name; Contact Phone #, Best Time to Be Reached and Email Address"

*******


GOOD MORNING!

I'm sure you know, like I do, that when you're a real winner, it's hard to know where to apply yourself. Winners don't need to commute to some job with some boss who tells you when you can have a cup of coffee or even stretch your legs for GOSH SAKES. Heck No!

Winners need a system. A proven system without gimmicks or Flim/Flam. I know that Real winners need other winners to give them a *proven system* to take their **dreams** and make them ***reality***. The kind of system that high-profile global brands use. Like Nike, or Gatorade. 

I've always known I was a winner. The kind of person who makes the big money someday, who earns respect from his peers and family-members. I read your post, and I KNEW THAT DAY HAD COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am an 1. Effective and motivated communicator. 2. Able to work independently or part of a team** 3.Have a strong work-ethic for winning. 3.HAVE A STRONG INTEREST IN SOCIAL MEDIA*** 4. I am coachable by seven-figure earners.

**Except on a team with losers.
*** I met my girlfriend, who lives in CANADA on a social media, which proves my interests are GLOBAL, as I do not live in Canada at this time.

I have tried to recruit my family before, but was unsuccessful. I do not have much in the way inventory, so I am glad these things are not part of the system.

I will be very happy to learn your system and begin earning a reliable six-figure income like I have always dreamed of. Please call me. I am home most days, and available to answer my phone. Except when I am briefly away from my phone to 1. eat or 2. go to the restroom, but I have an answering machine in those cases, so I would call you back should you happen to call me then, so it isn't a problem. 

BEST REGARDS,

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fbh/1715546390.html

"Neeed Shot girls.... get $$ to party (NYC): Make good money and be the life of the party!!!...Promo company is looking for the perfect shot girl to heat up Manhattan nites!!!.

Job responsibilities:
- Keep track of shots sold and money
- Have fun, flirt and sell shots (shake what your mama gave ya'!!!)
- Be responsible with your schedule

Shot girls who have the most fun and make the most money are:
- Outgoing and sexy
- persistent and strong willed
- adaptable to different bar environments (beach nite means wearing a bikini, holiday party means wearing holiday outfit)
- fun and personable
- those who can become part of the party responsibly keeping in mind making money

Benefits:
- lucrative part time job
- Extra cash on weekends or for students
- Flexible schedule
- Gain valuable sales experience in varied environments
-
...Shifts are from 6pm-12am and 9:30pm-10:30pm until 4am (or until all shots are sold – bottoms up guys!!!)
The shot girls make a percentage of the shots they sell in
addition to their tips. Average earning is $100-300 per shift.

To Apply:

Only responsible, self-motivated candidates need apply. Email resume, recent clear pictures (at least 2: one showing face, another showing full body) and contact info.
Digital pictures must be in jpeg format.
Please include a few lines about yourself.
Interviews are Friday 1-3pm DO NO APPLY UNLESS YOU ARE OVER 21 YEARS OLD!!!! "

*******

Dear Sir:

I was really excited to read your post. It's been really hard to find work around here, since I only moved to town a few months ago. I don't have much work experience, so it's been hard to stand out from the crowd, but my mom always said that it's the things we think make us weird that really make us special, and this really proves it!

Should I tell you how it happened? It was an accident, really, and I forgive Glenn. We'd both had a couple of beers, and besides, we'd played around with his air rifle lots of times. Normally, I wouldn't talk about drinking in a job interview-type situation like this letter, but you said you're looking for girls who like to party ;). Anyway, he set up the cans first, like always, and I hit one pretty good. Then, when I went to set it back up for him, his finger must have slipped. It sure did hurt! The hospital was scary, but Glenn held my hand while they put in the stitches. I had to sleep on my other side for two weeks!!!! LOL!

Anyways, I attached a couple of pictures, like you asked. The ones where I'm in my bikini show the scar the best. I used to think it was ugly, but mom said that it's just like a smile that's not on my face.

One problem is that I won't be 21 until June 5th. Would that be ok?

Best,
...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/edu/1716701782.html

"Literacy Coach... We are looking for dynamic, results-oriented and relentless urban educators to join our growing movement as a Literacy Coach.

Join our movement... Develop strong character...
... implement the A.C.T.I.O.N values in their schools to hold scholars to the highest behavioral expectations and give teachers a common language around developing strong character.

A.C.T.I.O.N. stands for Agency, Curiosity, Try and Try, Integrity, Others and No Shortcuts."

*******

To Whom it May Concern:

I am a relentless urban educator, with particular expertise in the PHYSICIANHEALYOURSELF system of literary coaching.

P.H.Y.S.I.C.I.A.N.H.E.A.L.Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. stands for Please Help Your Students In Constructing Intelligent Acronyms, Noting How Each Addition Leaves Your Observant, Understanding Readers Satisfied, Every Letter Fitting.

Best,

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wri/1713220192.html

"SEEKING A LITERARY ORGANIZER to sort through, cull, and retype a filing cabinet of writings; then help me decide what should be sent to editors and agents, and what should be dumped.

The goal is to evaluate my writing, put stuff on blogs, sends some to publishers, and prepare for disposition of manuscripts and books and copyrights.

Works include:
-6 published books and a play/CD
-plays: 3 full-length, 2 short
-2 memoirs
-essays, some published in the NY Times, etc.
-a novel
-a few short stories
-two children’s books
-a unique cookbook
-assorted lyrics, verse, etc.
-songs

A LITERARY ORGANIZER must have experience in editing, marketing literary work, using the web, posting to blogs, and must live in the area (NYC).

Will pay $500 for the first 40 hours of work.

Please fill out and return the questions below if you are interested.
DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS OR RESUME.

Name.....................................
E-mail....................................
Tel..........................................
Neighborhood.........................................
College Attended....................................
Major......................................
Date of graduation......................................
Current employment...................................
Favorite composer.......................................
Your blog and blogs you visit....................................................

DO NOT SEND ATTACHMENTS."

*******

Hello,

You know what's the first word that came to mind when I found this? Synergy!
What a fantastic information feedback loop we could create if, the next time you post this, I were able to submit this very blog as my proof of new-media expertise!

I hope you don't have to post again, though. I hope your new short children's play/memoir/song cycle/cookbook in verse is the toast of the blogosphere and makes all of your literary dreams come true, as well as the dreams of your new-found amanuensis.

Unfortunately, I have some unshakable concerns about this position that will not allow me to be that person; the one who is standing beside you as you ascend to the lofty heights of internet publishing sensation. Chief among them: what would happen to my salary after the first 40 hours? I fancy myself a fast reader, but I'm not sure I could get through a thorough perusal of seven books, five plays, two memoirs, and a cookbook in five days time, let alone the box of essays, and song lyrics and the culling and evaluation that is the desired end of it all.

And really, who am I to evaluate your work, anyway? Follow your muse where it leads you. Don't cast the pearls of your life's work in front of some swine-for-hire you dug up the inter-slop. You've been published in the New York Times, right? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're not talking about letters to the editor. Hell, even if you are padding the resume a bit, If you have the gumption to write seven books, five plays, two memoirs, and a cookbook - and believe me, not many people do - then you can attack that pile of oyster shells and find the pearl that deserves to be shined and mounted in platinum. The one that the world is waiting to read.

I'd be interested to read it, when you're done.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." -Goethe

Best Regards,